Goodness, well, where to begin?  I am Bitsy Roeves, sometimes known as Little Bit (short for “Little Bit Of A Dog”).  Not sure what my mother is on about there, as although I only have 3 legs, there’s plenty of me.

I know the first thing you want to know is, what happened to my 4^th leg?  Well everyone wants to know that but I must start my “tail” at the beginning and cannot be rushed!

My very early life is a little hazy, although I can tell you that I have a long and illustrious pedigree and can trace my ancestors for many generations, whatever anyone says to the contrary.

However, sadly I found myself at a year old in the company of a gentleman owner of a Chinese takeaway. These years later I have had to blot out the horror of my life there, but needless to say and preferring not to become sweet and sour Chihuahua balls, I took it upon myself to leave and find a better place in life.  Like all great escapes, mine involved spending some time on the streets, in police custody and being returned to the miserable jailor’s clutches. But my spirit was strong and one day I finally ran into (rather literally and very nearly fatally) my mother.  I was just embarking on my latest bid for freedom and making a dash away from the takeaway across the street whilst foolishly forgetting to look. Fortunately my quick thinking “mother to be” had lightning reactions and missed running me over.  After picking me up (I tell you I am ashamed to say I was filthy) and after making all sorts of thankfully fruitless enquiries, including yet another visit to the police station, she took me home to await the dog warden.  Luckily the dog warden was tied up elsewhere for 2 days, during which time I established that this was a most suitable place for a Chihuahua of my stature and got my paws firmly under the table, so it was agreed I could stay.  Imagine my horror when 2 weeks later the gentleman takeaway owner surfaced and demanded I return, whereupon I was borne helplessly away to rejoin my miserable previous life.  However, I was not to be beaten and at the first opportunity I legged it.  Finally the police investigated my conditions and possible future as Chihuahua Chop Suey and got the message and removed me from the gentleman’s clutches and placed me legally with my Mother.

From then on life improved and I settled over time into a happy existence gaining good control of the household and ensuring that it suitably revolved around me.  A number of years passed and I enjoyed a happy existence with my then companion, a fine fellow by the name of Errol Flynn.  A terrier with a slight obsession with hunting, but I forgave him that, as he didn’t appear to be able to help it.

However, as with all great and beautiful beings, my life is never straightforward and life took yet another turn in the form of a devilishly handsome chap going under the name of Piglet!  One look and I was helpless to resist his manly charms.  He was and still is the love of my life and as these things do, one thing led to another and I found myself "with child" and although I know he loves me, Piglet seemed unable to deal with the situation and abandoned me to my fate. In due course and following an appalling labour (I’m never doing that again!) I produced 2 puppies.  One was a fine little girl, resembling myself closely, the other a sad little ginger creature, whom I promptly rejected.  Bizarrely the poor little mite lived (aided and abetted by mother, needless to say) and whilst I made it quite clear to all that there was something not right with him and I was not prepared to raise him, they persisted and the poor chap remained! I was of course proved right and the little fellow turned out to be blind.  However, eventually my beautiful daughter left home to embark on her own life and I believe that my blind son did find a kindly person to live with. 

So for a brief period my life resumed it’s orderly pace with the household well organized and suited to my requirements, until yet again events, prompted by my arch enemy The Postman, overtook me!

I take the guarding of any property in which I am residing very seriously and at this particular time I was spending a happy sojorn with granny and her companions.  We were quietly passing the morning with a peaceful snooze on the sofa in front of the fire, when the dratted postman caught me napping (literally), whereupon I sprang from the sofa giving vigorous tongue expecting the usual satisfactory result of a hastily retreating postman.  This time things took a different turn. My leg twisted wretchedly and I was immediately in agony with a leg that no longer appeared to work. To give her her due, normally slow Granny reacted most promptly and I was whisked off to visit “The Vet”.  To date I had found a friendly smiley approach worked best with The Vet and I once again employed this tactic and assumed the fellow would find the cause of my difficulties and fix it with not too much difficulty.  How wrong can one be about a chap, no sooner was I through the door when I was removed from The Granny’s presence and before I knew it, was waking up minus my leg.  Who, I ask, consulted me?!!  Piecing together events from hindsight, I believe rude things were said about the strength of my legs and size of them and an inability to mend such legs.  I can tell you they are very elegant legs, nobody could ever accuse me of having cankles!  Anyway, I no longer employ the smiley tactics with The Vet and find savagery to be far more successful in deterring Mother, Granny or anyone else from taking me to visit The Vet and most satisfactory in stopping him removing any more of my limbs.

So anyway here I am, sans a back leg but perfectly fine thank you.  I agree that I am no longer as spritely as I was, but Piglet when I see him, still seems to find me a fine figure of a lady, although for some reason he no longer seems as manly.  He seems to be strangely missing something.  I have my idiotic companion Sydney (the Aussie bloke) well under control and I will admit to a sneaking liking of him when he’s not being too silly.

When my mother’s in this country I go to work with the Silly Sydney most days and enjoy the variety of organizing the office. I have many beds to choose from and a variety of laps with pleasing girls, so life is pretty good.  When the mother is away I stay with The Slow Granny, who actually suits me well these days. 

So all in all for a dog who was destined to be Crispy Fried Chihuahua, with condiments, I’ve done pretty good!